This week God very vividly taught me a principle that I have heard over and over, but it never came alive like it did today! In my posts I use a lot of real life/personal experiences in them. For one reason I never want anyone to think I am better than others and am giving these posts because I am judging others lives, or have this wealth of knowledge but that maybe some of the things the Lord teaches/is teaching me daily can help someone else! Anyways back to the reason for this post!
I was having a conversation with my Mom today, who also happens to be my best friend ;) I was telling her how I wouldn't make enough money this month working, because I lost some of my work through different situations, to make my Faith Promise Missions commitment. Without a beat my Mom came back and said, "What about your savings?" My immediate thought was no, I can't use that. The savings is NOT for that, it is for my future. Before everyone thinks I'm a secret millionaire, this was a little bit I had saved little by little working, definitely not much by most peoples standards. It was however enough to pay my missions. It was almost like the Lord asked me, "Oh is that your back up plan, in case the trust you have in me doesn't work out?" Ouch! I had never thought this out this much before, but as I thought about it today I was using it as a safeguard.
If I was asked would I give the Lord my all, my answer would've been a resounding yes!! But I realized through my actions I was not willing to give this up. (I know how horrible!) Sadly, as I type this now I am ashamed. Was my thought if God brings my husband into my life, surely the God of the universe can't provide the funds also?! I don't believe I actually "thought" this, but my actions were clearly shouting this! Here in the beginning of the year I promised God I would give a certain amount in missions each month, but that didn't include that tiny savings account? Can't I have anything, even something so tiny? Absolutely not!! God wants EVERYTHING, it doesn't matter how big or small it is to me!!! If I am not willing to give that, why would God ever give me anything else?
I think this lesson was not only about my savings account, but also my decision to wait on God's will for my life. I have already decided I will trust the Lord in His perfect will for my life. Realizing that I may not marry until 25, 30, or later; I will not settle for just anyone. The world (or other well meaning Christians) will not tell me what "the age" is for marriage.
However, it seems like I forgot to tell my savings account that too ;) I think because this is a monthly, weekly, and sometimes even daily battle; there are times when the emotions take over and it's hard to simply trust God's will. So in having the savings account it was my back up plan, and still not giving ALL of my life to God's will. As in salvation, it is a covenant between me and God. I accept Jesus into my heart, and God said He will do the rest. It is not a feeling, but simply a trust that God will do what He said.So also in my life, submitting it to Him and trusting Him to do the rest.
Trust is not having a back up plan, but simply giving my ALL to the Lord to do with as He sees best. I believe sometimes God doesn't exactly need everything, but He simply wants to know we are willing to give Him all! Watch out for the little corners in your heart, there may be a bit of you that has not been given to the Lord. Take inventory often, and make sure every part of you is given to the Lord. The Lord knows and sees your heart. Hebrews 4:12c (...and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
**Maybe you don't think you have this problem! I hope not, I hope you can honestly say you have given everything you have to the Lord. Ask the Lord to search your heart and confirm this! If you would have asked me yesterday, I too would have said yes God has my everything!
1 Peter 5:8 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"